Seeking My Father

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If the man who raised me
the man who starved me
who was ashamed to acknowledge me as his daughter
and failed me in his brokenness
is not my real father
and God is
then I need to discover the identity of God the Father
and what that means
in terms of who I am

He is the Father of Lights
the Generator of Poetry
He is strong and protective
perceptive of my feminine heart
He has no wish to harm me
He feeds me with the best of all Food
His voice resonates through the quantum fields of my being
He is good
He is the Author of Life
He loves me with a fierce tenderness

And I am His daughter
I come from Him
which means that my worth
and my identity
flow from my true Father

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Trapped

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It lured her with sparkles
Images of what she could be
Each strand a grandiose promise
Each strand a twisted lie

Without her realizing it
This new terrain strangled itself around her
And before awareness could fully surface
The spider’s poison stung deep

Paralyzed, she dreamed
She dreamed up a magical history
She dreamed she had control

Yet all the while
The spider sucked her life-force from her withering body

People attempted to free her
They tried cutting the webbing away
But she wailed and bellowed
Convinced it was herself that they were severing
So they told her about the dagger in her own pocket
Urged her to save herself
Yet their pleadings barely penetrated
Her heavily covered ears

The hidden truth was
That she fought the part of herself that knew
That knew that the dreams weren’t real
Because if she allowed herself to begin waking up
She would have to come face-to-face with the hideous spider
She would have to fully acknowledge her situation
Something too overwhelming in her weakened state
And so she chose to continue dreaming
And so
She
Chose

false god among us

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it has just about entirely consumed her
sucked most of the skin right off her bones
and is now nibbling on choice organs
impervious to the fact that once it has fully decimated her
it will forever be denied this host

it tried to devour me once, too
but I identified its hideous, distorted face and fought back
while shrieking out warnings to others

I am thrashing and screaming still

yet where I see a monster
she sees a god
and gratefully hands it her flesh
for the privilege of being in its service
and with the sustained hope that one day
it will finally come through on its promise
to make her wholly clean

Safeguarding Her Value

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Time was essential in recognizing the need for a solid boundary
Along with ongoing assurances for its justification
The necessary materials had to be identified
Built, mended, reinforced
And although the structure may be repeatedly battered
It is secure enough to hold strong

Now attention must be given to what is within the borders
Taking stock of the damages inflicted during the over-exposure
Replenishing what has been ravaged
Soothing what has been scorched

Yet even more than that
This the season to create
To discover which plants grow best in darkened places
And which thrive in full sun
To seek out and delight in flowers growing wild
And to nourish countless birds of flight

It is also an era of welcome
For those receptive of the healing balm that is offered
For those who wish to play
And for those with gifts to share

This garden may never be perfect or whole
It may never be what others insist upon
Or an exact replica of its original design
But it is unequalled
Of inestimable value
And indisputably
Unquestionably
Worth protecting

The Ever-Witness

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they tried to kill my spirit
by targeting my body
so it should not be so strange
that even after all these years
what has been encoded in my body
testifies against
their carefully crafted and fused masks
while my still-thriving spirit
takes notice

Today’s Wisdom

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Embrace your own story
Be the lead character in the utterly dynamic fairytale
you are creating together with the King

Trust yourself
Begin at this point, even if you make mistakes

Don’t apologize for having to cauterize your own wounds
It’s not worth bleeding out
and there is no obligation to justify this
to anyone who opposes it

Dragons are not butterflies
They will not transform
and seeking love, understanding, and truth from them
will only leave you scorched

Honour all the people you once were
living inside of you still
Believe them, enough to stand your ground
They are credible witnesses

When your heart, intellect, and instincts are at odds
with your instincts blocking the paths that the others propose
that means something
Defer to your instincts

Read the language of your body
Protect it
Your body doesn’t lie
Abide by its wisdom

Evading Accountability

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The past collides with the present
But they have re-written their history
Cloaked themselves with more benign identities
So it is nullified
Nullified
And yet the deadly effects remain the same

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