Wildflowers

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the rules that apply to them
simply cannot apply to you

seek out what is life-giving
even in those places that others overlook

and anything that bleeds you out
is not worthy of your bloom

find your sunshine and your healing rain
don’t be afraid to call poison what it truly is

embrace the wildflowers in you
a gorgeous meadow unlike any other

embrace the wildflowers in you
they are strewn along unexpected paths

embrace the wildflowers in you
and Jesus will dance with you among the colours

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Disentangling

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If my longing to transform them binds me to them
I must let go of that

If my ache for truth to be acknowledged and justice to prevail binds me to them
I must let go of that

If my self-imposed guilt from legalistic religious interpretations binds me to them
I must let go of that

You can drench it in compassion
You can dismantle culpabilities with personality theories
You can compare it to worse atrocities and judge it to be less lethal

But it is poison
it is poison
it is poison to me

And there is no resolution
There never will be

So regardless of what my family may think
regardless of what society may say
regardless of what the Church may impose
I have to walk away

Because when all is said and done
it is poison
it is poison
it is poison to me

Clearing the Path for Flight

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I’m searching for touchstones
for key markers in how to remember the path
that leads to coming fully alive
as my true self
I know I’ve touched the edges of it

Yet in parallel with this quest
I’ve been trying
struggling, fighting, beating myself up
to somehow get it together
to be functional
the way this world expects me to be
but this continuous failing and self-flagellation
only makes me die inside

I can’t explain it to others
I can’t even explain it to myself
why even with all of my willpower
with all of my strength
with all of my efforts
I just can’t seem to operate like everyone else

And through it all
I feel frightened and fragile
vulnerable and unprotected
as if I am teetering on the wisp of a butterfly’s wing

Maybe it starts with rejecting the world’s condemnation
maybe it starts with ceasing to condemn myself
with taking a break from this left-brained analyzation
and allowing intuition to reign free
the merging of the primal with the spiritual
and even if I have no safety net
I can at least appreciate the intricate colours in the butterfly’s wings
and maybe even find my own way to soar