Clearing the Path for Flight

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I’m searching for touchstones
for key markers in how to remember the path
that leads to coming fully alive
as my true self
I know I’ve touched the edges of it

Yet in parallel with this quest
I’ve been trying
struggling, fighting, beating myself up
to somehow get it together
to be functional
the way this world expects me to be
but this continuous failing and self-flagellation
only makes me die inside

I can’t explain it to others
I can’t even explain it to myself
why even with all of my willpower
with all of my strength
with all of my efforts
I just can’t seem to operate like everyone else

And through it all
I feel frightened and fragile
vulnerable and unprotected
as if I am teetering on the wisp of a butterfly’s wing

Maybe it starts with rejecting the world’s condemnation
maybe it starts with ceasing to condemn myself
with taking a break from this left-brained analyzation
and allowing intuition to reign free
the merging of the primal with the spiritual
and even if I have no safety net
I can at least appreciate the intricate colours in the butterfly’s wings
and maybe even find my own way to soar

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Light-Starved: A Seasonal Affective Disorder Poem

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Let me bask in your light
the colours in my world have grown dim
the darkness that envelopes me
bleeds inside
slowing me with pain

Let me bask in your light
let me live vicariously through your joy
show me by the way you look at me
how sunlight used to feel

Let me bask in your light
comfort me with assurances
that you can see that the path ahead
is strewn with treasures
pulsing like diamonds on fire

Let me bask in your light
shine it deep inside and search
for the parts of me that I am struggling to access
let your love be a link
from you to my true self
helping me to rediscover who I am
and to shine all the living colours in my light
back to your most precious heart