Where to Look

He leads us

deep into our own hearts

so that we may find


 It is natural to look for God in the external world:  places of worship, pilgrimages, shrines, holy sites, rituals, the enactment of traditions, holy books…  And I believe that God is in these places, waiting to be found, waiting to be known…  These journeys and repetitions are important for our human development.  They collectively shape how we view ourselves, how we regard each other, how we interpret creation and our interactions with it, and how we come to understand God and our relationship with this Great Being.

I also believe that God is a Person who is madly, passionately, head-over-heels in-love with us.  And I believe that He is far less constrained than we imagine Him to be.  And what does He desire most?  Our hearts.  That is what He seeks, that is what He aches for, and it is a place where He chooses to live and breathe.  In searching for the Divine outsides of ourselves, I think we often forget that we can find Him within, too.

I have multiple chemical sensitivities.  No churches that I am aware of are willing to go scent-free, so I am no longer able to be there.  I watch daily Mass on TV or on YouTube.  My husband brings me Jesus in the Eucharist.  Each morning I ask Jesus to help me to see Him, especially in the unexpected places.  I play hide-and-seek with Him.  I have found Him in people, in my rabbit’s fuzzy face, in colours, in chaos (hey — Jesus was born in a barn/stable — He is quite at-home in the messiness of our lives), in sunlight glinting off snow, in the way my husband looks at me… I have also found Him united deeply with me in my own heart.

Whenever I receive Jesus in the Eucharist, I think: “I can’t go to Jesus, so He comes to me”.  I also feel:  “You Who spin galaxies have come to me in such an intimate way…on my tongue…Heart beating…uniting Yourself with me, as I am, right in this moment…”

I think that the reason we often don’t take the time to search for God in our own hearts is because it doesn’t seem obvious.  We are used to looking outward.  God has to be very gentle with us so that we are not overwhelmed by the brilliance and enormity of who He is.  Also, I think that if He made His presence really obvious, we couldn’t help but love Him, and that would infringe on our free will.  Love cannot be real if it is forced.

He is a Man in-Love

leaping across chasms

ablaze in colours

cloaked in gentleness

hiding in plain sight

taking up residence

in the tabernacles of our hearts


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