The Courageous and Perpetual Choice of Freedom

The door of the cage is open
the broad expanse of the world
suddenly visible without bars
but after decades of the “normalcy” of captivity
will she give herself permission to fly free
or will she keep returning again and again
a boomerang
conditioned to fasten shackles to her own soul

Trusting That I Am Beautiful



“Jesus I trust in You”
I am still trying to figure out what that means

My parents cursed me
pronounced terrible things over me
lodged them into my brain

But that is not the voice of Jesus
He calls me beautiful
delights in me
and is setting me free

Free from the soundtrack
free from the fear and anxiety
free to unfold as myself

I like His voice better

I like my voice too

So I am trusting that I am beautiful
trusting that He has placed treasures within me
trusting that I have just as much value
as any other human being

And if I trust Jesus
then who am I not to shine?
who am I not to take risks?
who am I not to insist upon the same courtesies
that I bestow upon others?

“Jesus I trust in You”
It’s not what I expected
and it feels so good to come alive

How It Turned Out

I tried to save my parents
I tried to save my sister
In the end I rescued me

And going back
would be like trying to swallow poison
in the hope that it might be candy


For too long
she tried to salvage the diseased parts
poured out her lifeblood
lost her bloom
while toxins infected
And when she finally, finally became convinced
that pruning was the only option
And almost immediately
vitality surged through her being
a rush of life

Drink in, drink in!
Soak up everything that you need!
Drink in and don’t stop!
Flush out the poisons
Become who you are
Give where you are wanted
Bear the fruit
The antibodies will remain
You are free to unfold

Taking the Next Step

Discarding the safety net
stepping out
vulnerable, expectant, wide-eyed as a child
all around me dangerous and exotic and enchanting
I hold His hand
look up and smile
then together we embark
braving uncharted risks

Pre-Maturation Escape

The mama crafted a nest of barbed wire
pretty in the sunlight
sure she was the envy of all
Her duty fulfilled
she devoted the rest of her time
to self-preening

But the nest hurt the little bird
inducing fear
making the little bird bleed out
long after the initial injuries
and when the little bird peeped in distress
the mama shut her up quickly
because the nest was oh-so-pretty
and the little bird
simply wasn’t

Long before the natural time
the little bird set out to leave the nest
not because she was ready
but because there was so little blood left
She balanced precariously on the edge of the barbed wire
with no instruction
with no preparation
launched herself upwards
and flew

Her flight has not been perfect
and unhealed injuries have caused her to flail
but she did leave the nest
and she has seen wonders
and she is growing stronger
But most importantly
in spite of the mama
the bird LIVES
and can appreciate the difference
between true beauty
and sunlight glinting off of
a barbed wire nest

Releasing Their Burdens

“Take up your cross and follow Me” *
and “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full” **
How to reconcile these two?
I have realized that I have taken up other people’s crosses
taken on their guilt, their shame, their burdens, their debts
and carried these in my own body
allowed them to ravage my soul
without any resolution
without any flowers strewn along the path
But He never asked me to do this
So I am laying down their burdens
their drama
and the crowns of thorns that they have fixed to my identity
My own crosses are more than enough
to till the soil
And even though I have not yet ‘arrived’
I am finding that I am able to bask in the incoming light of the Resurrection
and dance and explore and create
trusting Him to feed me
and lead the way
and help me to become more and more myself
as I journey deeper and deeper into Him
where I truly belong

* Luke 9:23
** John 10:10

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